By Dr. Emerson Eggerichs / Thomas Nelson
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ book, Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs, is based on the biblical passage from Ephesians 5:33 (But every husband must love his wife as he loves himself, and wives should respect their husbands – GODS WORD®; translation). His premise is that communication between a husband and wife is often frustrated because of the vastly different ways in which men and women perceive love. Women are wired to need unconditional love and men need to feel unconditionally respected. Revitalize the love in your marriage! A Focus on the Family Recommendation; hardcover.
Busy-at-Home’s Review of this Title
If you and your spouse never read another book together, I would encourage you to make this the one and only. I promise it will be different than any other book you have ever read on marriage or relationships. Frankly, it should be required as part of every pre-marital counseling plan and a staple in every church library.
While, I think this book may literally be the most important one David and I have read together, I have to tell you, for me it was one of the most challenging. Not because it is difficult to read, but because it forced me to see David and my relationship through someone else’s eyes — his; and it required the same of him. Honestly, there are times I had to force myself to keep reading, because what I was reading was so deeply convicting. There were definitely tears, some happy and some not.
We have all heard Ephesians 5:33 hundreds of times in dozens of sermons, but it is often cut off at “husbands love your wives as you love yourself”. Very rarely is the rest of that scripture, “wives respect your husbands”, ever discussed. It wasn’t even on my radar screen, but if you look at it in Ephesians, the verse is clearly two very direct instructions, clearly for two people. There is no more emphasis on one than the other, but somehow, even unknowingly, we have allowed culture and society to edit that scripture in our minds to be directed most importantly at men. That is certainly not the way God intended it; and until this book, I never understood the critical nature of unconditional respect in shaping a man’s relationships, nor did I understand how he defined that. Dr. Eggerich explains that the need for unconditional respect, is to a man, as deep a need as unconditional love is for a woman. In this one verse in Ephesians, God has commanded each of us to do exactly what the other needs most, but is most difficult for us to give when we don’t feel our spouse is honoring their side of that command. Dr. Eggerich calls it the “Crazy Cycle” and if you’re married, I know you will recognize having been on it. When she doesn’t feel loved, she acts or speaks in a way that makes him feel disrespected, which causes him to act or speak in a way that makes her feel unloved, which causes her to… You get the idea. 🙂
What this book does is provide simple step by step tools for getting off that “Crazy Cycle”, for recognizing when your spouse is not feeling loved/respected by you and the communication tools to correct it. It goes into detail about the things we can say or do that set that cycle in motion and even more detail about how to step back and make some corrections.
This book will cause you to really see yourself, your words and your actions. Be prepared to not always like what you see. But the great part is that it is walking both you and your spouse through this new understanding. The book is not about how to change your spouse. It is a penetrating look at how each of you can change yourselves and your communication in a way that honors and pleases God and strengthens your marriage.
You are not going to read this book one time and then have “arrived”. From time to time, we will all be back on that “crazy cycle”, but now you will have the tools to stop it short and move forward in a positive way. You’ll never be disappointed that you read this book and I honestly believe it will make a strong marriage stronger, breathe hope into troubled marriages and better prepare engaged couples for marriage than any other “marriage” book on the market. I can’t recommend this book highly enough, for couples, pastors and ministry leaders. It teaches us how to nurture and strengthen our marriages by the book, God’s Word.
from Christian Book Distributors
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